We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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