I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize