We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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