my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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