walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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