I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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