the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Pooping to opera.
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