So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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