They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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