Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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