I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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