I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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