so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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