Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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