Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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