Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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