On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize