onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize