OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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