No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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