Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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