you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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