So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
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i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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