worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize