so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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