I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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