kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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