Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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