i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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