I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize