The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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