he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize