You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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