**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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