I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize