I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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