I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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