I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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