Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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