Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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