Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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