i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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