you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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