you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize