My first STD was from a foam party
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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