I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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