Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize