he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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