No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize