I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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